; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
