i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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