Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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