Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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