i'm signing you up for texting rehab
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Alive.
So much puke
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
