In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
