Sry I called you an 8
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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