Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we're making bets on your personal life
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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