Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
