I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
