Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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