to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
