i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
