Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
