I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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