just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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