I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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