some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
