Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
