I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
