I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
