you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
