Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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