Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just gargled with NyQuil
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
