Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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