I just saw a hot homeless man
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
