I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Randomize
