His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
