So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
