I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
