So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
