I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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