Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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