she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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