She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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