Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She said her name was "party"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
