And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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