ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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