Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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