i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
