Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
