"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
