**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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