I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
