apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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