i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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