I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
