the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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