Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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