today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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