forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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