im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
