Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
