i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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