the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
