i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
